b'Throughout the performance I use these two tech- A Buddhist Exploration of the Ecological Self inniques, the target and the Given Circumstances, to remain present. There are a few dangerous mo- Embodied Performancements when I begin to consider the audience or question my acting: in these moments I felt fearEssaybuilding inside of me and I feel myself abscond-ing with Fear into the past and future, as Donel- Sophie Trewicklan writes. For instance, before my line Why Yeletz?, from the Nina/Kostya scene (ChekhovIn this dissertation excerpt, Sophie Trewick writes about what she calls the ecological self, an unbounded, changing entity that 2013: 468), I began worrying. In earlier rehears- accords with Buddhism. She examines its relevance to Stephen Wanghs physical approach to acting.als, I had struggled to find the right emphasis for the line, and now I could feel myself anticipating it, thinking of countless ways to alter, to improve.What are we doing with practice? Were cul- In 2018, while working at Panyaprateep, a Bud-But at this moment, Nina looks up from her cry- tivating sensitivityWere actually learningdhist wisdom school in Pak Chong, Thailand, I ing: Holly looked up at me and I was so shockedto listen to much quieter thingsto feel, tobegan to consider the relationship between Bud-to see such genuine sadness in her eyes that Inotice, to see Were opening the range ofdhism and performance. Phra Ajahn Jayasaro, was immediately catapulted back into the present.frequencies(Zohar Lavie) Theravada monk and Chief Spiritual Advisor of By locking onto the emotion of her performance,the Panyaprateep Foundation, spoke to me about I was able to bring myself back from the edgeMy self unfolds itself throughout the entirehis own experiences of the transformative poten-of fear; I reminded myself of the target and theworld (Dogen Zenji) tials of theatre. We discussed radical empathy and Given Circumstance. I believe I am far from thethe sense of belonging, in the widest sense of the first actor who has struggled to remain presentBuddhism is a spiritual practice which origi- word, which performances could invoke. I left during a performance. Indeed, I believe construct- nated in sixth-century India when Siddharthathe conversation with a deepened sense of both ing conjectures of the future to project ones ownGautama, soon to inherit the kingdom of SakyasBuddhism and art as life practices which could fear and anxiety, or else diving into the past infrom his father, left home to become a wander- bring participants into closer contact with a sense scrutiny of our past mistakes, is a common anding ascetic in search of the end of suffering forof communality with themselves, others and the distinctive human trait. This essay has exploredall beings (Rahula 1974: xv). After six years ofworld. the concept further, indicating that this presencetravelling and practising with various spiritual can be found, despite feelings to the contrary,teachers, Siddhartha attained enlightenmentBuddhism and embodied performance unsettle through discipline of the mind and body. while sitting at the base of a bodhi tree, and forthe idea of the self as an isolated, bounded entity. the rest of his life he shared his teachings on theStephen Wangh describes performance as a sur-nature, causes, and transformation of sufferingrender of amour, a revolutionary act of love in Chekhov, A. (1999) The Seagull (Tom Stoppard, trans.), Lon- or dukkha (Nhat Hanh 1998: 6). In his awakenedwhich the actor opens themselves up to the cre-don: Faber and Faber. state, the Buddha discovered that nothing canative energy of the audience (2002: n.p). Michael Donellan, D. (2005) The Actor and the Target, London: Nickbe by itself alone, that everything has to inter-beChekhovs life-long exploration of acting led him Hern. with everything else (Nhat Hanh 1998: 6). Into the belief that in moments of inspiration the I this vision of an interconnected universe, the selfof the artist undergoes a kind of metamorphosis, Stanislavski, K. (2008) An Actors Work: A Students Diary (Jeanis not a bounded, isolated entity but an affectedgiving way to a higher consciousness which ex-Benedetti, trans.), London: Routledge. and affective inter-being. It cannot be by itselftends beyond the bounds of the individual actors Wangh, S. (2000) An Acrobat of the Heart: A Physical Approachalone and therefore cannot be mine or yours. Itbody (2002: 86). Tracing the analogy between per-to Acting Inspired by the Work of Jerzy Grotowski, New York: Ran- doesnt begin at birth or end at death, but ratherformance and Zen meditation, Yoshi Oida writes dom House experiences a series of re-compositions and re- that to really understand somethingyou must newals, shifting form in a cycle of being.becom- unify yourself with it (Oida & Marshall 1992: ing.being (Reeve 2013: 5). It is this unbounded,165). Performance, in all these contexts, is con-changing entity that I will call the ecologicalfigured around transformation and connection. self. Growing up with Buddhist parents and reg- While Buddhism might be defined as a religion, ularly attending Amaravati, a Theravada monas- acting as a profession, and ecology as a science, I tery in Hemel Hempstead, has meant that whilecontend that these three fields of knowledge all I can trace particular experiences and memoriesshare common, mutually enriching ethical roots which relate to Buddhist practice, I cannot dis- and seek to trace the transformational experien-entangle it from a broader sense of my belongingtial possibilities which arise where they converge. in the world. Buddhism is threaded through myI am informed by Jerri Daboos writing between own ecological self. Visibly and invisibly, it isemergent scientific theory (namely those areas woven through my being. of quantum physics unravelling the Newtonian 10 11'