b'T3 Journal - Student Writing in Drama, University of Exeter 2018-1911:47. I step outside for a smoke. I take a long drag, holding it in my lungs. I dont have any children, my husband and I, we never really wanted our own kids. Maybe he did? I puff it out, watching the smoke fade away. I take another drag, feeling the nicotine enter my bloodstream. I think he fell out of love with me, long before he disappeared. I think he was seeing someone else. I puff it out, feeling my chest grow heavy. I take one last drag, feeling the heat of the tip burning the skin of my fingers. I cant stop seeing his face now. My hands around his neckI can see into his soul through his eyes, all the lies, her face I can see everything clearly now. I exhale forcefully, liberating my lungs of the sickening smoke. I think Im going to quit again.11:53. I go back inside. I call for Rose. I tell her I want her to get something for me from my freezer. She looks shocked, confused. I give her my keys and tell her that Im retiring my post, that I want her to take over now, that I want to entrust her with my secret ingredient, so that she too can use it, but on the condition she swears never to share it with another soul. I tell her to fetch me a bag, right from the bottom of the freezer. She nods quietly and takes the keys. She walksover to my office. About a half a minute later, I hear a scream, and then a thud.05:20. I start to open up as usual, prepare for the new day. No smokes for me anymore, I quit yesterday.06:02. My staff are starting to arrive now and are setting-up their stations. I head over to my freezer. I open the lid and push some bags of frozen vegetables to one side. There it is, my secret ingredient. Ive almost used all of it up in these past four months, but thats okay, I just stocked up yesterday. I push a couple of bags to the other side, and there it is, my new special ingredient. I dont think they would taste good together, dont think the flavours would match. Maybe Ill just use them separately, individuallyhow theyre meant to be used. I decide to use the new secret ingredient today, in remembrance of my husband and decide to have only that on The Specials. Ill make his favourite, and Im sure if he were here, he would love it, especially with my new secret ingredient in it. Although Im sure hes already familiar with the taste.06:53. I head back into the kitchen to write on The Specials board, my newest creation: Crpes with Rose Petal Jam.38'