b'THE REST OF US STORIESYoullI have beenand that I needed to slow down insomething I had become accustomed a student atgameplay. This was very puzzling.to. Then something was said to me NeverExeter If the pace of my play was too greatthat, although was horrible, I think University forthen, surely, I would be better servedwas the most honest anyone in the four years, soin a different team. No-one listened.club had ever been with me; he said WinI feel like II feel I was nave at that time, nave tothat I was shit because I was Chinese. have made thisthe insidious motivations that broughtI didnt know what to say. To have my Alone city my home.about such empty feedback. It was notability in something I had devoted so I have made ajust the leadership that I felt hostilitymuch of my time to criticised, purely lot of friendsfrom. The players around me hardlyon the basis of my race, was too much. along the way and wouldnt wish toacknowledge my presence; they wouldI immediately left and went home, not be anywhere else. Although I wasbarely speak to me. They saw mythat anyone there would have cared. born in Hong Kong, I have spent aagitation and desire to improve as aThis had been something I had tried large portion of my life in the UK.challenge to the order of things.to forget, but I feel that incidences like I speak English as my first language,I wanted to go beyond the positionthis had made me cynical. I left the and I do feel quintessentially British.that had been predetermined forclub in the second term of my second I must say that I do not resent thesomeone of my skin colour.year. I was still slightly injured, but the white people of the university or thisreason I left was not physical. It was city; I only speak of some individualsDuring my time with the hockey club,clear that I was never welcome in their and the institutional discriminationI often went back to Hong Kong tofraternity. Socially or competitively, that I have felt. play with the team there. What struckthey didnt want me there and they me, aside from the obvious differencehad said as much. What hurts most is One of my greatest passions, and anin quality, was the difference in theirthe self-doubt. It was always my fault important reason why I chose to comeattitude towards me. I was chalenged- it was always my inadequacy that to Exeter, is hockey. I have alwaysphysically, but also consistently en- meant I was overlooked. But it was enjoyed playing the sport and I hadcouraged, and felt that I was beingalways vague too, always something excelled prior to coming to the univer- treated fairly. This was not the case atdifferent, always a standard that my sity. I had played for Hong Kong forthe university. Going into my secondteammates were not held to.many years with genuine aspirationsyear, I had hoped that a new year and of making money in the future.new leadership would bring a changeComing here seemed the perfect in culture within the club. I wasplace to prove myself in one of the I started, like every other new student,initially encouraged; I began traininghighest-performing universities in the by attending trials with the hockeywith a team more suitable and feltcountry. I realise now, that I never had club. From the offset, I was deniedthat I was beginning to improve. Aftera chance. I was constantly discouraged a fair opportunity to show what Ipre-season, though, I became injuredand overlooked by the white faces was capable of. In my first session, Iand was forced to take an extendedaround me. I dont want this to be had to speak out just so that peopleperiod away from the sport. When Ithe experience that other people like would come watch me play. I hadreturned, I was berated for my lackmyself have. to fight my case, just so that I couldof fitness, accused of faking injury be on an equal playing field to theand was immediately returned to theIt is difficult being not white in this people around me. Despite battling,bottom team. No room for me inuniversity - in this city - in this coun-and giving a good account of myself,any other team, was the excuse thattry. Racism and discrimination are I was placed into the lowest team inI was given. Over and over, I had hadthings that remain around us every the club. This was disheartening, butto accept the empty excuses that wereday. It is a malevolent force that affects I viewed it as a challenge to betteroffered to me. After a while, the accu- individual thinking and seeps into our myself and work my way up themulation of knocks became too much.institutions, our culture, our sports teams. Hat-trick after hat-trick in myI thought back to some things thatteams. It needs to be acknowledged team, but still I received no recogni- had been said to me a year before,and rectified wherever it is found. If tion, no encouragement. I pleaded theat the start of my first year. Duringwe do not do this, it will continue to leaders in the club to advance me, buta typically boozy and humiliatingpenalise anyone considered different.I was repeatedly rebuffed. They citedsport society social, multiple people reasons such as my need to improveapproached me to criticize my ability-Curtis19'